As always I'll start with my typical apology of taking forever to update and what not. Things have been going great and nothing really to report so I tend to forget about this blog. He had a cardiology check up back in June and another checkup in December. Everything looks great and his heart is doing a good job keeping up with his insane energy. He no longer naps and holy cow do I miss that quiet time. He is constantly moving or talking, literally he even moves and talks while he's sleeping. He loves school and enjoys seeing his teachers and friends daily. He does admit he has a hard time listening which I'm not the least bit surprised about. We have had some recent behavioral problems that we are trying to be proactive about and tackle. Unsure about how much of it is outside influences or just his own problems, its been a learning process for all of us.
So the glowing doughnut....
We are in the process of Eli adjusting to sleeping in his own room in his big boy bed. He has co-slept his entire life so this has been a long and somewhat hard transition. Like most kids, he's scared of the dark but he's also scared of "the glowing doughnut". We aren't sure what that is and he has only given up a little bit of information. From what we can tell it's a small boy who is mean to him but also wants to play with him. He wants to build with Eli but always knocks things down. He says it first came to him in his crib and now he sees it in his room. We have said "well if it's a doughnut why don't you just eat it and it will go away." It has been about a week since he's mentioned him so maybe it is gone.(Side note..as I'm finishing up this blog he told my Uncle Jim about it. So bizarre, like he knew what I was typing about.) My only other guess on where this is coming from is based on research I've done regarding cardiac kids or any kid who has been through traumatic surgeries or experiences. He could be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and the glowing doughnut is the large circular light that is in every single operating room that you see before anesthesia kicks in. He has had more surgeries than most so who knows if we will ever really know the answer.
Also, Eli has been asking "why do kids have to die?" We try and answer the best we can but where in the world does this come from. Without going into too much personal detail out of respect for someone close to me, there was a recent loss. On the night of my finding out about it I happened to be sleeping in the bed with Eli. He sat straight up in bed at 1 a.m. and blurted out "why do kids have to die?" I rubbed his legs and told him to go back to bed. He never once acknowledged I said anything or touched him. He laid back down and instantly was snoring, I don't believe he was awake when he said that. Needless to say it freaked me out to think what kind of connection he could possibly have with the afterlife. A few days after that while I was cooking, Eli walked right up to me and said
"(name withheld) has a sister". The person he was referring to is the one who just lost a future sibling. It is heartbreaking to me as well to think he could possibly be seeing things that could be hard for him to process and make him upset or sad.
Over the past few months Eli has talked frequently about Grandpa and the conversations and activities they do. For anyone reading this that doesn't know, Grandpa (my dad) passed away in July of 2012. Eli was only 13 months old and while they had a very close bond, Eli really should be too young to have any memories of him.
Majority of the time Eli will just blurt out these things with little or no connection with whatever is currently going on. Before Thanksgiving he told me how Grandpa had helped him fix his cars, my dad was in the automotive world my entire life. On Thanksgiving night while the whole family was saying what they were thankful for Eli without hesitation said "I'm thankful for Grandpa". He also said Grandpa has helped him find his remotes and in particular his remote for one of his cars that we searched high and low for. The thing was missing for months and suddenly Eli found it.
Last night while I was laying in bed with Eli he mentioned Grandpa again. After stories and songs he typically rolls over and he's asleep but last night he wanted to chat for a few minutes. He heard daddy cough downstairs and asked what that sound was so I told him. He then said "Grandpa had a throat problem and would cough. They gave him special medicine." My dad had throat cancer and because of all sorts of scar tissue from radiation my dad developed a horrible cough. Again, nothing Eli should remember or even know about.
I know I've read many times that kids have a special connection with spirits and loved ones on the other side. I'm very happy that Eli still has a special bond with Grandpa. My mom asked me to ask Eli if Grandpa seems happy and if he smiles, without thinking twice Eli responded yes. That makes my heart smile.
